Family - Assembly - Community 
Marriage without love?

Yaakov, Béla Orbán
Many ask this question: Is love needed to marry? Since love is a quiet an emotional, ephemeral, insane and absurd feeling which switches off as quickly as it inflames. It is not necessary to be in love. The most important is affection because this feeling does never shade off…  

Is this true? Love would only be a simple blazing of the soul?
This feeling has really been abased to a simple soulish level... In fact it is much more than that...

The Hebrew uses the same word for love and for affection:
אהבה (ahava).
This word refers to a stable and constant state and not to some sudden and passing blowing up of the hearth.

It happens many times in the Bible that God call the Chosen People, Israel: His love. The Song of Songs does practically only talk about that.   

The world has deformed and degraded this word. It made it superficial, tearful, temporary and burning.

Although the real love, the
(ahava-nefesh) which is no other than the complete love felt by the soul of someone, can really be steady, everlasting and coming from God. Moreover the real love cannot be different.  When I see, accept and love the other as he/she is, by a real love…
There is no pink cloud here. I see the other very clearly. (God did not either see Israel nor anyone else through a pink colored fog !)
Love becomes here a form of a deeper affection that has nothing to do with those emotive and superficial feelings that we experience today.  
If the Eternal loves his people with such an affection, why wouldn’t He offer us the same feeling? Why wouldn’t He share this deeper sensation of pure loving affection?  

Perhaps we have reached here the degree of affection which is Love yet…  
And to love our better half with such a feeling is an enormous gift…  

In many cases, the sense of the word love is mixed up with the expression: I love
Most of the time, the notion of love is even simply the synonym of self-esteem.

God do not only give us or can give us a companion but has also many ways to lead us to recognize our pair.
The attraction, the sympathy for someone, the desire, the fact of missing him/her, the impression of being incomplete without the other are all the little components of this recognition. However, they all indicate and make us feel that for us, someone is different from the others.

Generally, the problems are coming when the flesh rises up first followed by the claims of our soul. When we start to draw a list of the advantages and inconveniences that we may get from the targeted one.
There are coming the false excuses such as :

"we will learn to love each other…, Love will come in its time…"

This kind of thought does only prove two possible things: either that person is searching for a partner who can satisfy his/her will, or this person resigns to accept what he/she has, for want of anything better while wishing the missing things to be filled in later.  

The most dangerous way towards adultery and divorce starts at this very precise moment!

When God gives a companion, He gives a "complete" being as the other half of another "complete" being.
We don’t have to cut, to shape and to adjust others to ourselves or conversely.  
The one who was born again gets on the path of purification and sanctification.   
So, we don’t have to shape whoever to our own image. It is rather a matter of the work which takes place in the hands of God who do shape his people himself irrespectively of any human will.  

A crucial moment in this process is the restoration of the identities of man and woman.   
Then must come the moment when the Law of God and the rule of Yeshuah HaMashiach comes true in us.
It is in no way our human desires and claims that forms us through all kind of resignations and compromises.

It is also not through the expansion of our power on the other that any strong relationship may develop.   

Searching our better-half is indeed a very important thing. But the main thing is to recognize the Project and the Law of God concerning myself as a man or a woman. First, everyone on his own, and then together as a couple.   
If we do or did not live this until now, it is then necessary to put ourselves in order under Yeshua’s Power so that He may give us our pair instead of going to "buy" it ourselves.
Translated from hungarian by Richard (Zeev Shlomo)

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