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Teachings 
 
Family - Assembly - Community
 
 
 
 
How to make a good match?…

Yaakov, Béla Orbán

As a result of the seeking of a man or a woman is the wedding, the moment when a unique decision replaces the former possibilities of choosing.  
 
The basic criteria in this research today are:  
- the financial situation: "what does he/she have?"  
- physical criteria coming exclusively from the desires of the flesh  
 
Today’s youth is living in such liberty that, except from a few cases, the family has practically no right to say anything any longer.  
The family’s institution has been in falling apart very fast since the famous "sexual revolution" of 1968 and does only fulfill its function in some rare and isolated cases.  
 
Before that date, the choice of the spouse was determined by the concern of perpetuating the family’s name and tradition.  
This way, the parental will was very strong and dominating over every decision, even those concerning the weddings.  
 
This order was particularly present among the Jewish community since it was the way to preserve the unity of the people forbidding the young to follow their feelings, their physical and psychical desires to prevent them and the people from assimilation and melting into the other nations.  
On the other hand, the patriarchal order has a big number of other characteristics that grants the protection of the spiritual, psychical and physical heritage of the family.  
 
To avoid anyone from attacking the Jewish People for this, I have to remind a few things:  
- the English language does also know and often uses the expression: "birds of a feather flock together".

In other terms, the poor should marry a poor and the rich a rich. Although a big wisdom proceeds from this saying, the main criteria while searching for a match in most cases are the familiar fortune and the dowry.  
 
- The same way, Christian churches forbade mixed marriages with members of other religions.  
- And this has been strengthened among some neo-protestant communities when the assembly began to marry their young members between each other.  
This habit still exists and many are the couples coming from this kind of Christian marital manipulation. Many are those who have found themselves besides a spouse they never wanted and never desired.  
It is a matter of a false protection of the unity of the assembly which reflects the fear and the sorrow of its members to see it fade away and disappear some day.   
 
For its part, the Jewish community has just tried to obey the Law of God that says:  
- Do not mix with the other people. In other words, mixed marriages are forbidden.  
 
The one, who knows, understands and accepts Israel and the particular Calling of the Jewish People must agree on that point.  
Because God has provided and blessed His People with different characteristics than the other Peoples. Moreover, God gave Israel’s Calling to a whole People and not to some individuals.  
This is why mixed marriages slow or even prevent this Calling from being fulfilled.  
 
Of course, the Jewish community has also fallen in the trap of wanting to ensure itself its own succession and ethnical survival by a human effort.  
This way, weddings unfortunately are born many times on the basis of economic and social criteria.  
The spirit of the people they were living with within the Diaspora had a strong influence on the Jewish People and played a dominating role in that process.  
 
The choice of the spouse has to be done according to the Will of God together with the consent and the responsible decision of the two other parties.  
Although, it is also necessary to know the individual calling of each person. And we must not simply know it, but we also have to accept the Project of God concerning a People that makes up the basis of the identity of each individual.  
This knowledge can only be passed on by our forefathers and it is the duty of the parents to make their children remember that.   
Although, this is not a compulsory and totalitarian decision, but rather the possibility to make a choice.  
 
 
Searching for a spouse… 
A third person can play a role in this seeking?  
 
The reason why I am asking this question is that many closed communities are doing their best to link their children up to other children coming from similar background and families like theirs. The reason why they are doing this is to protect their children from running away into the world.  
Numerous clans of "...-ists" have developed that way from "half-brother" weddings with all the disadvantages it may bring.  
 
We can also find that among the Jewish community according to the order: "Don’t be as the other nations" and to the will of not being assimilated. This determination also led to the establishment of a real wedding institution among the Jewish community.  
The signs of this are still apparent today.  
(In both religions)  
 
Who can we ask for good advises?  
- the ones who are married?  
- the ones who are divorced?  
- the ones who are in the same situation like us with the purpose of sharing our experiences?  
- the elders having more experience or the young ones who we understand better?  
 
The fact of having asked these questions was a provocation from my part!  
 
Nobody from any categories above is able to give us concrete, precise and good answers.  
 
The advisor:  
- does he/she know the Law of God?  
- his/her life is under the power of Yeshua HaMashiach?  
 
Furthermore, the advisor can even bear more than that; he can have both positive as negative experience in that field and provide the testimony of his/her own life.  
 
These characteristics are the basic criteria so that anyone could give advice to the other, no matter which question of every day’s life is concerned.  
 
Law and Yeshua’s power that became reality in our lives prevail on any advice coming from elders or people having more experience than us!  
Because these pieces of advice can be human, coming from the flesh and the soul and easily go against God’s Laws and Will.  
 
But we always have to teach the Will of God through our knowledge and through the leading of the Holy Spirit!
 
In such cases, even young people are able to give advice to the old ones, boys to men and daughters to their mothers…  
 
In the cases when these standards are absent or do not function, the advice can be quite dangerous, since the flesh and the soul are always acting against the spirit.  
 
When having our eyes fixed on some material and physical aspects, we do not listen to the advice or the warning of someone, we may not only be losers, but we also can easily lose ourselves on the wrong path.  
 
What kind of man or woman does God give to us?  
 
A help… similar to us.  
 
The Hebrew says it as follows: Counterpart-Complement-Compensation.  
I was astonished when I read this for the first time: the woman is the counterpart of the man. Then I went to see the root of the word and I found that is does also mean reflection.   
The state of the woman is the reflection of the state of her husband and inversely.  
Similar to him? Yes. Who makes One with him. His reflection like in a mirror...

 
 
 
Translated from hungarian by Richard (Zeev Shlomo)
 
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